As parents, it’s natural to want to protect our children from anxiety, especially when it comes to school. We want them to feel confident, safe, and excited about their day. Often, this leads us to say things like, “All the kids will be nice today,” or “You’re going to have a great day!” While well-intentioned, these reassurances can sometimes do more harm than good.
Children are surprisingly perceptive. They can sense when your reassurances are empty, and they know that not every day at school will be perfect. When we tell them that everything will be fine—when we can’t know for sure—we run the risk of them losing trust in us. Eventually, they may start questioning our advice altogether, realizing that it doesn’t always reflect the reality they face.
In the long run, offering false assurances can set children up for disappointment or frustration when they inevitably encounter challenges at school. Perhaps they don’t get picked for a game, a classmate is unkind, or they struggle with a tricky math problem. If they’ve been told to expect a perfect day, these small difficulties can feel much bigger, leaving them feeling helpless or unlucky.
So, what’s the alternative? Honesty. Let your children know that while some days will go smoothly, others might have bumps along the way—and that’s okay. Teaching them how to handle those tricky moments is far more valuable than pretending they won’t happen.
Encourage your child to practice coping strategies, like taking deep breaths when they feel anxious or remembering past times when they faced challenges and made it through. Help them recognize and savour the good moments, so they can build resilience and a sense of optimism, even when things don’t go perfectly.
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety entirely, but to teach kids that they are capable of managing it. In doing so, we help them become stronger, more self-assured, and better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life—both in and out of school.
From the Desk of VPC’s Directors,
Dr Lisa Ferrari & Dr Carla Fry
